today is a day that i feel like i need to run.
::: run from :::
this computer
school
my thoughts
my responsibility
fear
myself.
but i'm stuck. here in front of this computer. waiting for time to run from me.
plus, if i tried to run - i would have to stop, from an asthma attack.
looking at that picture confuses me. i see this person that i had been. so motivated, determined and driven to accomplish the hard, difficult things in life. i was stubborn - unwilling to give up or allow people to tell me i couldn't. because i knew i could.
i'm sorry for the seemingly pessimistic attitude - i'm drained. school has sucked the emily out of me. honest and sincere. my attitude of determination and confidence is so easily taken, when it used to be so difficult.
i guess, i'm just tired.
but i want to run. so hard and so far. that feeling of pounding pavement, exploding heart, deep breathes, completed with a totally clear mind.
i will do it. eventually.
and maybe if i do - if i run in the snow everything will feel more clear, clean and beautiful. i can focus on my chilled nose rather than a chilled feeling.
i will do it. eventually.
and maybe if i do - if i run in the snow everything will feel more clear, clean and beautiful. i can focus on my chilled nose rather than a chilled feeling.
i look forward to spending time with this boy i love. this one i choose to love. and he made it so easy. so easy to love. so easy to smile.
deep breathe. because i can.
2 comments:
Cool picture. I have these thoughts a lot. When I look at pictures of myself from my 1/2 marathon days I miss her. I know I would be happier if I started doing it again but the gap between wishing and doing is currently filled with laziness and excuses rather than determination. It's sad. I tell myself that when Kate is a little older and I have more time I will run again. Or maybe when spring comes so it's not so dark and cold in the evenings. I'm probably lying to myself.
Em!
Great post! Hard work can be entirely draining, but fully rewarding. All of the sweat, time, and energy you have put into life as of late will pay off, promise :) Hang in there rejuvenation will occur and more happiness will follow.... And time to run will come and run your little heart out! In fact, we should be running buddies when you move back here!?? Please say yes :)
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