as fast as i can.

today is a day that i feel like i need to run.

::: run from :::

this computer

school

my thoughts

my responsibility

fear

myself.

but i'm stuck. here in front of this computer. waiting for time to run from me.

plus, if i tried to run - i would have to stop, from an asthma attack.

looking at that picture confuses me. i see this person that i had been. so motivated, determined and driven to accomplish the hard, difficult things in life. i was stubborn - unwilling to give up or allow people to tell me i couldn't. because i knew i could.

i'm sorry for the seemingly pessimistic attitude - i'm drained. school has sucked the emily out of me. honest and sincere. my attitude of determination and confidence is so easily taken, when it used to be so difficult.

i guess, i'm just tired.

but i want to run. so hard and so far. that feeling of pounding pavement, exploding heart, deep breathes, completed with a totally clear mind.

i will do it. eventually.

and maybe if i do - if i run in the snow everything will feel more clear, clean and beautiful. i can focus on my chilled nose rather than a chilled feeling.

i look forward to spending time with this boy i love. this one i choose to love. and he made it so easy. so easy to love. so easy to smile.

deep breathe. because i can.

organize by day

i'm really in love with repetative design lately - don't know why. oh, and greys and yellows.

i use a planner every day - scheduling patients, reminding me i'm a procrastinator on homework, and when i need to stress out because i have an exam.

i love them. planners.

*great stocking stuffer - husband.

found at etsy via this great blog.

at dozi

rest your head.

another coveting find on etsy. i have been a 'favorite' of this shop for a long time now. there was a pillow, of which i loved that would have looked great on my yellow chair. someone else saw its beauty, and snatched it. lucky.

i'm all about these fluffy treats. they can change any detail, bring together any mismatched goods, and are so cozy to wrap around.

pillows & throws. i could have a thousand.

i love days like today. i get to come home, spend some time with err...around the husband and enjoy free internet at the shop while he gets his hands dirty.

i don't need to worry.

my tests are done. i don't have to scramble to find a patient for tomorrow {thank you sterilization rotation} and i just get to sit back and do whatever i darn well please.

so here i am, envying the things. the things that are too much money. the things that inspire me. the things that catch my eye and make me think.

i can breathe. and i love it.